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About Literature / Hobbyist Member AmyxFemale/United States Group :iconshutter--bugs: Shutter--Bugs
 
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Deviant for 4 Years
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i am
inadequate,
a love song that's missing its verses
chorus too benign to remember,
you'll never hear me over the orchestra
of the music that you make with him.

i am
incomplete:
i can only give you half a stained glass window
even i don't know what i really feel
i don't know what pieces to use
do i use green for your eyes? do i use pink for the
lighting in which i've always seen you? or do i
use burgundy, for the poisonous envy that has drowned me,
speech thinned by wine and secondary school stress?

yet in your eyes
i am more than adequate
i am made terribly complete by him
and all you can hope for is a sliver of my time

in all actuality, i do feel threatened
but not in the way that you think;
i am not threatened by your connection 
but rather
how he can open his mouth and mean what he says
when i have no words to give you just yet
thursday's nightly routine includes
me: standing in the rain
him: standing in the flame

or he's in the shower with me
and he's just as high
"more things that have fallen for you
in this world
than just H20"

and every moment is 
unsolicited touch

ing, touching me
The New Thursday Nights
i suddenly remembered what thursday nights used to mean and now, after a long and difficult week, i recognize that they have been replaced and i'm not very sure if one is better than the other because they both mean something and they are both intimate.
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"thanks for the intention" she says
voice so small you'd need tweezers to holdOH
NO YOU JUST DROPPED IT
there she goes, lost goodbye
eyes drawn close and dark with the things
she swallows but she cannot digest

loaded down with rocks, it's getting hard to 
get up and down the stairs 4+ times a day
and it was hard enough before when she was just hopeful
Empty Seats
keep asking friends to hang out and do things with me and i invite them to things that are important to me and i shouldn't be surprised when they no-show, at least some have the decency of saying "sorry, i have work" instead of making promises they can't keep. it's why i've gotten to the point that i thank the ones who say "oh i meant to go but" because if i didn't then i wouldn't have any more friends, ya hear me?
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all that glimmers is not pyrite
all that loves cannot be you

///

in the beginning, there was a mommy
whose protection killed and care soured
but her kitten grew in limb and mind
and the mommy's cage strained to hold her bones
until the steel broke against the force of such a
fierce laugh
born of a 
soft growl

///

in the end, "you are my son" was not enough
to excuse the trespasses he had committed --
the hurtful remarks, the physical abrasions
could not all be apologized away
bruises don't wash out
and i couldn't just let you give him a pass
because you had come out better from it
because you had learned to disregard him
because he is your father
love cannot rewrite this history

///

sometimes when i lose my footing
balance lost in the bottle
i can see the balance you're searching for
it's out there
don't worry, you'll find it too
and you won't have to chase after it like i do
All that Glimmers
sometimes i get snatches and run with it.
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cold stare 
warm embrace

she has a confusing resting bitchface
is she mad sad happy perplexed who knows
but you can bet that when she fixates on you
on the real you, the one inside that rarely gets seen
or sought out, or listened to,
you best believe that the real you experiences
the most nerve-wracking shiver 
she'll stop you in your tracks
frozen

her hands know just how to press against your skin
warm to the touch, it almost burns right through you
to the core - she has that way of 
holding you up, holding you still, yet
making sure you're still standing on your own two feet
her heart beats, blood pumping through her 
almost through you
she knows just how to keep you
kindled

too sharp to understand
too supportive not to
daggers / shielded
the boyfriend's younger brother would get crazy confused -- "hey, is she doing that thing? is that just the b-face?" -- because god forbid he ask me directly. my whole life my sad face has looked pissed as hell and my angry face has looked depressed as hell. can't win.
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2015   General Artist
hello there, lovely person! :huggle:
this is to inform you that i have made use of one of the titles of your poetry in my title poem over here: fav.me/d8d65gn :love:
i hope that this is alright with you, pray that you enjoy the read, and thank you for your inspirational artistry! :eager: <3
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:iconlittle-supernova:
little-supernova Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow, thank you for including me in your art! Super cool.
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2015   General Artist
thank you for being super cool about it <3
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:iconlittle-supernova:
little-supernova Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
About what? Confusion!
Reply
:iconswords-and-bandages:
Swords-and-Bandages Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the :+fav:. :)
Reply
:iconlittle-supernova:
little-supernova Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, lovely. (:
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:iconswords-and-bandages:
Swords-and-Bandages Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
:D
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:iconpailei:
Pailei Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much for the faves on "poisoned fruit" and "in oceans deep!" 
P.S.--I'm glad to see you have some new poems. I'll have to check those out. ;)
Reply
:iconlittle-supernova:
little-supernova Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome, and thank you! I'm glad I finally got through the stack of yours I had hanging around for so long. I'm on break and trying to find things to do while I have the motivation. So far, I have done four loads of laundry, one load of dishes in the dishwasher and one by hand, and cleaned the litterbox. That's just today, and they're not even my cats! (I'm staying with friends till the dorms open up.) How is you?
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:iconpailei:
Pailei Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha, yes, see, the reason I haven't posted anything in forever is because I was giving you a chance to catch up...yes... :D

What is this motivation you speak of? And do you have any to spare? 'Cause I probably need some of that. 
Sadly, I only do laundry when I run out of clothes to wear, and I'm the only dishwasher around here. The litterbox does get cleaned promptly, though, as my cat enjoys yelling at me otherwise. Also if she's hungry. Or she wants attention. Or the door won't open when I'm in the bathroom. Jeez, cat, give me a break. :shakes head sadly: 

But good for you! All gettin' things done and stuff. 
I've been all right. And you? How were your holidays?
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